Shortly after I got married and moved to my new farm with my husband, in the summer of 2002, I got involved with volunteering at the local therapeutic riding center. Since I am legally blind, I couldn't be a horse leader, but I could be a side walker. I enjoyed working with the little kids and saw how well the instructor worked with them.
The instructor and I started talking one day and she realized that I rode and asked if I wanted to start riding with her. I agreed and so started riding a few months later at the center. Quickly, she saw something in my riding ability and got excited. She started talking about the state show the following October and preparing me to be good enough for the Para-Olympics in dressage. I think she saw visions of me helping put her little center's name on the map, so to speak.
Now, from the lessons Bunny had taught me, a few years before, riding was now something I considered a bonus or a perk to horses, it was no longer my main reason for loving them. Yes, I loved to ride, but I also had learned that I loved working with mares and foals and I was really good at it. I tried to explain all this to the instructor and at first, I thought she understood what I was saying.
I will admit that I got excited about the possibilities of having an amateur riding career and riding at the Para-Olympic level or even trying to get there. But, still, it was not a huge goal for me, though I thought it would be fun to try to see how far I could get.
I had a Thoroughbred gelding, Baron, who I had bred, who was now in training and I was excited about riding him in shows, in the future. But my riding instructor, who had never laid eyes on him declaired him "not the right horse for me." She kept calling me a green rider, though I had been riding for 15 years, graduated college with an Equine Science Degree, which had included professional riding instruction from a highly respected instructor in the country, and a lot more other riding and training experience. I was no green rider, that's for sure.
I soon realized, what it was all about, she didn't want to wait on a green horse to be slowly brought along properly for me to ride, she wanted me to progress fast through the show ranks and a green horse, to her, would not allow this. So, before even seing Baron, she had developed a major dislike for him. Even when I'd report to her on my visits to the trainer's farm and let her know how my rides went, she would not seem interested or have something negative to say.
I tried to explain to her that I had waited my whole life to get to ride my own horse in a show, instead of school horses, but she would not listen.
Since I was getting more involved in breeding, I always kept my eyes out for a good broodmare prospect and one day I found one. To my delight, not only did she fit my pony breeding program, but she had been trained in dressage and was Half Hanoverian, one of the breeds known for being good at dressage.
Margaux was affectinately known as "Shadow" and she arrived at Perfect Peace Farm in August 2003. I immediately started to work on building a bond with my new mare and started riding her about a week or so after she arrived. The upcoming state therapeutic riding show was in early October and I was hoping I could ride my new mare in the show.
From the get go, Shadow did not measure up to my riding instructor's benchmark, just like Baron wasn't, even though she still had not seen him. I worked hard on my bonding with Shadow and we were making great progress. She could be a little high strung, but I was learning how to calm her down and contain it. I was then given the layout of the two dressage tests I'd be taking at the show and started working on them at home, with Shadow, and in lessons with a small Quarter Horse mare, that the instructor was borrowing. I much preferred Shadow, she was more responsive, especially to leg aids and my gentle hand movements. It was so wonderful to ride her, we were becoming a great team.
As the show weekend approached, I finally got my riding instructor to agree to let me take Shadow, but she kept complaining that Shadow was "passive agressive" and other things. I could tell that the two of them did not get along.
When we arrived at the Lexington Horse Center for the Virginia State Therapeutic Riding Show Shadow was in flaming heat that Friday afternoon. I wanted to take Shadow out and walk her, but my riding instructor disagreed and Shadow was put in her stall and kept there.
Shadow was used to being kept out all the time, except for bad weather, so this was not fair to my mare.
On Saturday morning I asked again if I could take Shadow out and maybe lunge her, to let her blow off some steam, but my riding instructor disagreed, again, and said that she thought the more Shadow was worked the more hyper she got, but this was actually opposite of the truth, but she refused to listen to me.
So, with no warm up whatsoever I tacked Shadow up and we headed to the ring for our first test, the Dressage Suitability Test.
Luckily, Shadow was being good, but I could tell that there was a powder keg under me, but she was so good and listened so well.
We entered the ring, turned to the left, had to weave around 3 cones, my riding instructor was allowed to call out obstacles to me via a headset I was wearing and she could tell me the letters of the arena. We worked it out where she would tell me I was three strides from something, but that is all she was allowed to tell me. We weaved those cones flawlessly, returned to the rail, to the end of the arena, and at the mid point of the short end we had to do a 20 meter walking circle, which we also did flawlessly. Returning to the rail as I started down the next long side of the arena, I picked up a sitting trot and Shadow was so gorgeous and smooth at it and when I called for a halt from the sitting trot, at the letter we were supposed to and the only thing we did wrong was she halted ever so slightly crooked. We then waited the 5 seconds and walked out of the ring.
To my delight we won that class with a huge high score of 80!
We turned so many heads. I was getting one compliment after another on Shadow and so was my instructor. All the people there were from other therapeutic riding centers and when they found out Shadow was my private horse they were even more impressed and complimentary. They said she was gorgeous, a superb mover, and so on.
I was really getting excited about my next test, later that afternoon, but as I exited the ring, i again tried to tell my riding instructor that Shadow needed to be lunged, but, yet again, she wouldn't let me.
In between my two dressage classes was a fun class and I went in it and Shadow was starting to get worked up. Unfortunately, the class was not judged, I had no idea, it wouldn't be, otherwise I wouldn't have done it. Again, as I exited the ring, I asked if Shadow could now be lunged, as she was getting anxious. And, as usual, my riding instructor said no. I was starting to get a bit upset about this and telling my husband that I thought Shadow really needed to blow off some steam and I was afraid of what might happen if we didn't let her.
Well, a little while later it was time for my final class, my true dressage test. As I sat on Shadow waiting our turn, my riding instructor stood at Shadow's head and Shadow was shifting her weight all over, not wanting to stand still. My riding instructor started to make comments and I said, "I think she needs to be lunged or I need to take her to the outdoor ring to let her trot some of this off."
"No! She'll just get more worked up." Was the response.
About 5 minutes later, Shadow was really about to explode and my riding instructor finally realized what I had under me. But instead of letting me go quickly lunge or ride in the outdoor ring for a few minutes, she just scratched us from the class. I was so upset and disapointed.
As we walked away from the indoor ring, then my riding instructor agreed to let me take Shadow down to the outdoor ring. I started to ride her in a big circle and my riding instructor got afraid and had me dismount and lead Shadow back to the barn.
I was so upset, after this, that I couldn't take Shadow for a walk, but I untacked her and gave the lead to my husband and told him that I didn't care what my riding instructor thought, he was going to take Shadow for a walk and let her hand graze if he could find her some grass.
The day had started out so promising and ended in such disapointment. I told my instructor that if we'd lunged Shadow she would have been fine, but she still adamantly disagreed. She claimed I didn't know Shadow well enough. But all I could think was, "And you know her better?" I mean, Shadow was at my farm, I'd dealt with her every single day since she had arrived and my riding instructor had only seen her a handful of times. Plus, I had several very long conversations with Shadow's previous owner on how to handle her, what she did when at shows, etc, but my instructor just didn't seem to care what I thought or had to say.
I was starting to get the feeling from my riding instructor that just because she was my riding instructor she knew more than I did on everything. She had earlier told me I shouldn't breed Bunny or some of my other mares, that there just couldn't possibly be a market for their foals. Boy, was she ever wrong!
I also don't know if it was my blindness that made her think she knew more or it somehow gave her the right to say these things. I really hate it when people treat me like I'm stupid, just because I can't see very well, and that is really how I was starting to feel about this relationship.
I also think it is people that are older thinking they know more than someone younger, just because of age. I have learned a lot from people younger than myself and I refuse to believe this. Yes, there is a lot to be learned from people older than myself, too, but for them to treat younger people as if they know nothing, it is just not right.
So, we returned home and a few days later Baron was brought home from the trainers. I was so excited to have him home. I had gone to ride him at the trainer's farm, several times, and he was wonderful for me, a dream horse. So, now I had two horses I could ride, at home.
I gave Shadow a few days to blow off some steam in the field, before I attempted to get back on her, as I just knew she was ticked off about what happened and she wouldn't know that it wasn't my fault.
Well, I was riding her in my small paddock and I could feel she was getting a little worked up, then Baron trotted around the corner of the barn and came over to the fence line, so he could get a look from his adjacent paddock. Shadow took that as enough stimulation to go into a bucking fit. I had called for Gordon to come help me get off, but he was too far away and so I didn't move quick enough to get off, myself, and off across the paddock bucking as hard as she could, Shadow took me. I kicked my feet out of the stirrups and then tried to push myself clear, as she was not going to stop. I did a flip in the air and landed hard on the back of my shoulders.
At first, I felt okay, but the soreness came later. To this day, I do not blame Shadow for this incident. She was ticked off about the show experience and I don't blame her. It was the only time I ever felt her buck and only time I ever came off her.
A few days after that I had my riding lesson and I had to beg for the lady to come to my farm. I told her that I have two horses to ride and I want to ride them. Plus, I told her she needed to meet Baron and I said I'd ride him in the lesson, so she could get a look at him and really see what he was made of and how nice he really was.
From the moment she walked into the barn, she was obviously not happy about me wanting a lesson on one of my own horses. She stood outside of the barn and smoked a cigarette, while I tacked Baron up. Then I led him out to the small paddock where I rode.
As I went to mount him, instead of helping me, she just stood on his opposite side and when I swung my right leg over his back he took two steps forward. Did she try to help me stop him? Of course not. Because my back hurt from the fall off of Shadow, I was not able to move fast enough, like I normally would have been able to do, easily, so instead of landing in the saddle, I landed just behind it. Still, there was no help from the riding instructor. Baron kept walking, once he felt me in the wrong spot, I think he was a little shocked, but being a good boy, he did not buck. I slid off of him and landing on my right hip and right elbow. Baron then looked behind him to make sure I was clear and trotted off a few feet, before turning and stopping to see if I was okay.
Now, my riding instructor immediatley starts telling me, "I told you so." and such and I just wanted her to be quiet.
Just like with Shadow, I do not blame Baron at all for this incident. He was only 4 years old, had about 4 months of training under saddle and I was very sore and stiff from my fall off of Shadow. Had I not been, I know I would have been able to mount properly. Yes, my riding instructor was aware I was sore, which is why I was surprised she didn't help me when he started to take a step or two.
My back was even more sore from that fall and so, I reluctantly agreed to go ride one of her lesson horses the next week. Well, she decided to have me do some stretches and during one of those I felt this sharp excruciating pain in my back, so bad, that I had to dismount.
After I recovered and took the horse back to the barn, untacked her, groomed her, etc my riding instructor and I started to talk. Again, I tried to tell her that I'd waited for a long time to get to ride my own horses and not lesson horses and that I thought my two would take me further than what she had in the barn. She agreed, to that little part, but wasn't willing to wait for Baron to finish training, wasn't willing to deal with Shadow's temperment, and just kept claiming someone would give her a horse that was suitable, if I was good enough. It was really obvious she had her own agenda and was trying to use my talent as a blind rider to promote her riding center, it didn't matter to her what I wanted.
I then reminded her that my main focus was breeding, riding came second. She honestly turned to me and said, "No, your marriage should come first." I had no response to that. I mean, we had been talking horses, right? There was nothing wrong with my marriage and of course it came before horses, but that is not what we were talking about. She then started trashing my breeding practices, again, and I left, and never returned.
I have only ridden a few times since I stopped riding with this instructor in October 2003. Do I miss it? Yes, but there are so many more important things in my life than riding, horse related and non-horse related. So, my riding career has taken a major backseat.
Yes, I wonder what might have been, how far I could have gone, and it saddens me that this woman just refused to listen to a fellow adult, with a fully functioning brain, and treat me as a normal person who did know what I was talking about when it came to my own horses and what I wanted to do with my horses and my riding career.
She continues to work and have a therapeutic riding center and I commend her work with the children, she is wonderful with them, but just wasn't with an adult.
Maybe one day I'll start riding again and find an instructor willing to work more with me and listen to my goals, my wants, where I want to go with my riding and how I want to get there, and they can help me do what it is I'm wanting to do and work with me, not against me.
